The Worst Question We Use To Get To Know Someone
You know you do it.
As I walked into the bar I came equipped. My answers prepped, I made my way around the room with ease. It only took 3 hello’s and 1 handshake before I got asked this insufferable question.
“So what do you do?”
Luckily, I was well practiced.
“I love to write, work out, read and volunteer. Especially with LGBT youth.”
Their face went blank.
“But where do you work?”
I started an experiment this year.
Not being one to shy away from alternative ways of living, I realized how much I winced every time somebody asked me about work. My job was the least interesting part of my life, yet everywhere I went, it was always the first thing people wanted to know about.
So I laid out a challenge.
Instead of asking people what they do, I tried asking them what they’re passionate about. And in-case they asked me what I did, I’d re-direct it towards their interests.
Usually, I get 1 of 3 responses.
- An awkward stare.
- A list of their passions (and an awesome conversation to follow) or
- Their job title.
In which I generally just flat-out ask them what they’re passionate about.
Just this past weekend I had someone tell me they had never been asked this. Ever. 27 years of life, 4 years of college and a steady job, but when I asked what he truly loved to do, his eyes widened.
I’d taken him totally by surprise.
On paper, the guy had it all figured out. A high paying job. A fancy place to live. But was he living with intention? Did he even know what his passions were?
Ask yourself this.
Why do we conflate career with self?
Take this tidbit from Elizabeth Spiers, former Editor in Chief of The New York Observer:
For me, the question is often complicated. At various points in my career, I’ve been an equity analyst, an entrepreneur, a journalist, a blogger, an editor, an adjunct professor, a marketing director, and a strategy consultant. Now I do bits of several of those things, so my clunky answer to what do you do is, “Uh, a bunch of stuff?”
Maybe you’ve simply never known what else to say. After all, this question comes just as easily as “hello”.
But it’s narrow-minded and limiting. For me personally, I’ve grown tired of becoming a representation of my career.
And it’s not like most of us even like our jobs, anyway.
A majority of people in the United States don’t enjoy their work. Knowing this, how could we assume a job represents a person or their interests?
Hobbies, unlike jobs, are generally life-long ventures. My father owned and operated ham radios from the day he was a teenager to the day he passed away. His career had little, if anything, to do with radios.
So, looking back, what did I learn from this experience?
A lot of beautiful things.
Employing this strategy has led to some of the most wonderful bar conversations of my life. A sentence I never thought I’d actually say, let alone write.
You learn a lot. Who knew the guy with the backward hat and Nike apparel on (in public *gasp*) loved feminism and wanted to help change modern masculinity? Hands down one of the best conversations I’ve ever had at a dive bar.
People’s faces light up. A smile is a very powerful thing. For those who know their passions, they are generally ecstatic to start telling you about them.
New friendships feel more genuine. Common interests are the basis of new relationships, whether romantic or not. Working them into a conversation early allows a friendship to blossom right from the get-go.
It’s way easier to start conversations. Ever been nervous to go up and talk to people? Asking about their interests takes the pressure off of you and keeps the conversation from dying. Unless they’re boring. (Sorry in advance.)
Let’s be honest.
Careers are great, but we know people are more than their professional lives. Give them a chance to speak from the heart. I’m sure you’ll be surprised by what you hear.
So what are you passionate about?
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I’m Chris and I like to do and say things that others say they can’t. If you want to start saying I can, get my 7-day, 100% free email course right here.
